there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
