3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
