Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so let's talk penis.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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