Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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