I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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