I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
