I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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