Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That's when you crack a 10am beer
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
