he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
