well you can't waste a boner
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
