Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
