So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
