Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
