I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
