What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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