I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
