So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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