like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
