I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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