her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
