I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
