Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish they made helmets for livers.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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