so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
