Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
