the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
