did you get engaged???
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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