CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
