Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
