I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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