I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
