I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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