I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
