I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
