this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
