let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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