this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
