not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
