the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
