I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
