I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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