I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
