meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
