you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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