I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
