I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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