Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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