listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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