Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
