sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
