U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
