I am in a vortex of obligation.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
