i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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