She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
