Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
