I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
