operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
